Jokes about Age: Part 2
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The seven ages of man: spills, drills, thrills, bills, ills, pills and wills.
Should I have another baby after 35? No, 35 children are enough.
My mother used to make me walk the plank when I was younger, we couldn’t afford a dog.
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night? It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
Children are the leading cause of old age.
This is not what adulthood looked like in the brochure.
Now that I’m older, I realise that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance.
What is the main difference between men and boys? Men’s toys cost more.
16 Blondes are standing outside the bar. Why didn’t they go in? The sign said 18+.
Remember how when you were little you could just rip off your nappy and run around naked and everyone thought it was funny?
Today is your birthday, so congratulate yourself, especially if you’re still young enough to remember it.
You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.
Millenials. Walking around like they rent the place.
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? “You’re too young to smoke.”
I’m aging like a fine banana.
When we were young, we would compare liquor and women. Now we compare statins.
I grew up so poor we could only listen to Simon or Garfunkel.
I have an 8:30 dinner reservation tonight. That’s like midnight in middle-age time.
You’re so old that your first car was a covered wagon.
What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn’t? Her navel.
Cowgirls are like cow pats – the older they are, the easier they are to pick up.
When you’re wondering whether she’s his daughter or his girlfriend, she’s his girlfriend.
What goes up and never comes down? Your age!
I would tell a history joke, but they’re too old fashioned.
When I was young I did stupid things because I didn’t know any better. Now I know better and do stupid things because I miss being young.
I’d like to say the best moment of a woman’s life is giving birth, but it’s actually seeing an old nemesis and realising she got really fat.
Quick naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
Son, when I was your age there was no social media. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women.
I’m at the age where I can’t keep up with all the things I hate.
I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home… That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
Middle age is when your old classmates are so grey and wrinkled and bald they don’t recognise you.
It’s been proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys. Girls develop boobs around the age of 13, boys around the age of 40.
Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
I’m so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
One day I shall solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be alcohol.
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